27 February 2012

Future Tripping

Since I've been here, I've begun to meet a great group of women. Most of them have been here at least two years, some a bit shorter, some quite a bit longer (5 or 7 (!) years). About half of them are leaving Nagoya in the next couple of months. Some are returning home, some for different assignments in China, Thailand, Canada. It's interesting and a little unsettling to confront the end of an expat assignment when I'm so freshly off the plane.

When we initially received our thirteen month assignment, I knew that would be the shortest I'd want to stay, even though some days it sounded like a long time. Two years, in our minds, was ideal.

In the short time that we've been here, I've also noticed my attitude also shifting a bit. I'm finding myself wanting to stay longer than our 13 month assignment. A year just feels so... well, short. I'm scared as soon as I fully settle in, I'll have to pull out. I confess I'm rather jumbled up about things: it was hard to move here, but I'm don't want out time here to be too short. It'd seem like too much of a stop-and-go bit, a tease, a lot of work for nothing. My mind is rolling over and over again: I'm here damn it! I pulled up our entire life and plunked it down here, and I'd rather like to stay awhile!

But here's the catch (and there always is one, isn't there?): it's not up to me. Or Amos. It is completely out of our hands, and a daily exercise in LETTING GO. I worry that it'll be a waste of time to 'only' be here a year, or that we should have come earlier. I have to calm myself and (quite literally) tell myself that what is meant to be will be. Things could change and we'll be here two years. Things could change again and we'll be sent home early. I have no part in what goes on in our time here, save my attitude, outlook, and how much life I can cram into the 13 months that we've got. And today? I'd like them to be serene, grateful, and fucking action packed. No one likes a Worried Wendy, and I'm trying to make some new friends and plan some crazy trips.*

* Which may be why, since I wrote this post, I've booked 3 separate plane tickets. Nothing like a deadline to make you move.

Image source on ffffound, via Pintrest.

1 comment:

  1. Love this post, Sar. I'm starting to feel the same about my upcoming move, and I haven't even left yet. 18 months seems like a long time right now, but I know it will go by in a flash. I hope I will be able to take full advantage of the experience like you have; your adventures are inspiring!


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