If only I had an iphone...

... I would be dazzling you all with hip (and, let's face it, a bit trite) Instagram iPhotos, but until the day I have an alien registration card and Japanese bank account, I'll be rocking the ol' point-and-shoot, which I might as well call the ol' forget-to-shoot because Amos and I left it in the hotel room the entire weekend. Whoops.

Don't fret - I promise Japan is cool. Here are tips for teens on how you, too, can rock a Japanese weekend like we did:

1. First of all, forget your bitter Ruby Red American grapefruit juice. Grapefruit here is a bit sweeter and whiter - I don't know the name (thanks, Google, for letting me down!) but I do know Whole Foods sometimes stocks it. I have been drinking glasses morning, noon, and night.

2. When grapefruit just doesn't cut it, stick to biiru, or beer. Don't fret, they only have one on tap, and it doesn't matter which one it is because they all taste the same, like a shitty pilsner. I mean, you and I will drink it - we're not that snobby - but the PNW microbrewing culture has nothing to worry about from it's Asian counterparts. Asahi, Kiran... drink a Coors Light and you're pretty much there.

3. Eat. Lots. Of Romanian, Japanese, Brazilian. Mostly meat. All delicious.

4. Get to the gym (see #3 above). Feel a little awkward that, because you are a guest of the hotel and not a member of the athletic club, you the are the only one not in 'uniform,' which is a white shirt and black gym shorts. But you did remember your new inside-only gym shoes, so you're not a total dumb dumb! Ask yourself if it would be weird if you bought a 'uniform' to match everyone elses? This is Japan! You want to fit in!

5. Do a bit more Rosetta Stone, which is still kicking you ass. Note to oneself: Dyslexia sucks now as much as it did back in school.

6. When overwhelmed about Japan, watch Japanese commercials. That shit it crazy.

PS: in the future, I promise clever photo montages! Pictures! Visuals! But, to be real here, I'm just trying to get back writing and that Girl with the Dragon Tattoo book isn't going to read itself.