29 May 2010

i never blog twice in one day.

but i couldn't help but share. have you guys heard of the Twitter account @BPGlobalPR? I'm a semi-finiky-fan of Twitter, but this account is darkly hilarious and witty. It's a fake BP account and it's so cutting, i can't help but love them.

Of course Real BP wants them to stop. But, in my humble opinion, Real BP should be focusing on the massive oil spill, not Twitter. Priorities, British Petroleum. Priorities.

Here's some Twitter genius for you. Remember, this is supposedly BP tweeting these:
Can we just start calling it the oilcean and move on please? #bpcares
Flying Rand Paul in to consult. Evidently he's an expert at keeping black out of places. #bpcares
Our company psychiatrists say now is the time to move onto the last phase of experiencing a tragedy, acceptance mixed with forgetfulness.
We plan on spending millions of dollars to fix this mess. We also plan on jacking gas prices so high that you'll wish you never complained.
A lot of people are asking if we could have prevented this mess. Honestly, we have no clue. Our hindsight is 20/80. #bpcares
They want to fine us $4,300 for every barrel of oil spilled? Umm, we're not spilling barrels, the oil is going directly into the gulf. DUH
Lots of people blaming this on Bush or Obama. Pph, we wish. The truth is Presidents don't have any control over what we do. 
Just saw new satellite images of the spill. Actually, it kinda looks like the Earth has a beauty mark! Ooolala! @CindyCrawford #bpcares
Eating at a very expensive restaurant and spilled salad dressing on my pants. Not sure how to tackle this.
The ocean looks just a bit slimmer today. Dressing it in black really did the trick! #bpcares
Jesus walked on water and soon you can too! (Please pray for BP, we're losing a lot of oil).
Please do NOT take or clean any oil you find on the beach. That is the property of British Petroleum and we WILL sue you.
Catastrophe is a strong word, let's all agree to call it a whoopsie daisy.           
You know what they say about the ocean... Once it goes black it never goes back! JOKING - the water is brown. 
and finally:
@SpillBabySpill #BP wants Twitter to shut down fake account mocking them. Twitter wants BP to shut down #oilspill ruining the ocean.

I guess I like the Twitter account because it feels like we're speaking out in some way, doing something. Because pictures like this are breaking my freaking heart.

i'm so sorry, World.


  1. That's brilliant. It's so true because right now it seems like we can't do anything. Even boycotting BP won't do anything b/c most gas stations are individually owned. And god knows if they'll ever pay--Valdez still hasn't. So heartbreaking and maddening. At least someone found the right amount of comic relief. Have a great long weekend!

  2. I saw an exhibit at one of the Chi museums a few years back about the Exxon-Valdez spill, all these creatures covered in oil like this. And I think about it every day and my heart sinks. And now, it's happening all over again but ten times worse. I can't handle it. I burst into tears when I think about it. This just plain enrages me and breaks my heart also. Make it stop!!

  3. I just found your blog and am always excited to find other Seattle bloggers! Looking forward to reading more :)

  4. Anonymous01 June, 2010

    This is hilarious. I always mean to spend more time on Twitter, but I haven't found that many funny people to follow. This'll help.

  5. ughhhhhhhh those pictures give me a pit in my stomach.

  6. Man.. I really hate Twitter, but those were pretty funny. BP is focusing way too much energy (and money) trying to control public image. They need to donate all of their money to a more competent agency, let them fix it, shut their doors forever, and go commit suicide.
    Sorry, that's an opinion coming from Florida..


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